Hello. I’m back, I’m nearly functioning normally! I feel on the verge of another down-spiral, but in a (admittedly, not-so-great) way that’s good because I am in a position where I can have a downward spiral.
I have been enjoying my pottery course, and have nearly completed my mini-project, a fairy tale castle sculpture – and I have felt inspired in its design – when I was at my worst, nothing inspired me. At all. I’m an arty-crafty person, I usually have one idea or another, and being uninspired was awful, a shocking realisation of how bad my depression had become.
I am interacting more with my housemates, and my friends. I am having more meaningful conversations with people and feel less alone. I have the energy to cook myself healthy meals, and look after myself. I can now do the little things like washing my clothes and cleaning the kitchen and making my bed; I now have the energy and desire to do these things.
I even started new things, new creative hobbies, exploring more of London, baking, walking places. I have interest in reading books again. I have interest in writing again, so many things which before being crushed by depression I took for granted I can now do again. Now I can go nearly a whole day without even remembering that I am depressed, that things are bad. The greatest achievement in the past weeks is that I have been able to start looking for work. The anxiety that tagged along with my depression caused even thinking briefly about what my CV should contain to be crippling, panicky, horrible.
Well, now I am ready to face the world again, to not let my depression win. Just wanted to share how proud I am to be making progress. I am aware that it may not last, and I appreciate the little steps I am making.