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Hello again world

Hello. I’m back, I’m nearly functioning normally! I feel on the verge of another down-spiral, but in a (admittedly, not-so-great) way that’s good because I am in a position where I can have a downward spiral.

I have been enjoying my pottery course, and have nearly completed my mini-project, a fairy tale castle sculpture – and I have felt inspired in its design – when I was at my worst, nothing inspired me. At all. I’m an arty-crafty person, I usually have one idea or another, and being uninspired was awful, a shocking realisation of how bad my depression had become.

I am interacting more with my housemates, and my friends. I am having more meaningful conversations with people and feel less alone. I have the energy to cook myself healthy meals, and look after myself. I can now do the little things like washing my clothes and cleaning the kitchen and making my bed; I now have the energy and desire to do these things.

I even started new things, new creative hobbies, exploring more of London, baking, walking places. I have interest in reading books again. I have interest in writing again, so many things which before being crushed by depression I took for granted I can now do again. Now I can go nearly a whole day without even remembering that I am depressed, that things are bad. The greatest achievement in the past weeks is that I have been able to start looking for work. The anxiety that tagged along with my depression caused even thinking briefly about what my CV should contain to be crippling, panicky, horrible.

Well, now I am ready to face the world again, to not let my depression win. Just wanted to share how proud I am to be making progress. I am aware that it may not last, and I appreciate the little steps I am making.

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4 thoughts on “Hello again world

  1. Very pleased to hear this. I recommend reading ‘The power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. It could really, really change how you think and how you react to thoughts. It changed my life at the time when I first read it about a year and a half ago but had got really bad again over time and saw a psychologist for the first time and he has literally just shown me the same things that are in this book. So instead of paying hundreds an hour to see a professional start with this which can be bought off ebay for a few pounds!! Keep positive and don’t think you cant control it, you truly can, you just don’t think you can. I didn’t think I could, after one session with a psychologist he showed me how I can.

  2. Thank you, I’ll give it a look – I guess I’m lucky to have the NHS behind me to help out, but all extra help is good, the sooner I can feel truly well, the sooner I can move on and enjoy my life more.

    • Thank you 🙂 . The course only lasted 10 weeks but it was really enjoyable and it was interesting to see the clay change drastically as it dried and each time it was fired. I studied it at city and islington college in London. I would definitely recommend learning pottery, its great! 🙂

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