I have done a tonne of vegan cooking! Thought I’d share some pics of my kitchen successes. I’m very proud of my increased cooking ability. Using the kitchen is something that I still find hard on bad days, but it gives me a lot of pleasure when I’m able to overcome my anxieties and cook yummy things!
I also have a bonus pic of Yeti eating a hummus dipped carrot stick. Because as a vegan, hummus is a staple. And Yeti likes it too! (Who doesn’t, amiright?!)
I’m trying to think of what else to update. I’ve been more active again on twitter (@FrynLane) if you like pictures of rats, cooking, and a side order of mental health awareness! Speaking of mental health, I have a new diagnosis: Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Quite the mouthful, and also quite a challenge to come to terms with. But I understand my quirks just a little bit better now. And I’m getting better therapy (DBT! Whoop!) And better medication – low dose antipsychotics act to stabilise my mood, so yay! The side effects are less fun (painful restlessness, anybody?!) but I’m dealing with them.
I have a big trip coming up and I’m terrified! Excited, a little bit. But mainly terrified! Maybe I’ll upload some photos of my holiday once I’ve been. I have a huge fear of the whole process of being in an airport (apparently that’s a social anxiety? What’s with all these new labels I’m apparently getting, eh?!) But hey ho! The way to conquer anxiety is to face it, right?! Right?! Ahem. But it should be good anyway.
In other news, after my little jaunt abroad I may be moving into supported accommodation. Supported accommodation seems a big change, and coming to terms with the fact that yes, I do need supported accommodation, is harder than I thought. But it should be really beneficial for me and a huge platform for me to move on and get better. And relieve pressure on the all-amazing Joe, too. So that’s exciting.
To round off, here’s all the things I can’t reliably do at the moment that living in supported accommodation can help me with (not glamorous, I know..!) :
– I can’t reliably do my own laundry
– I don’t get out of bed every day
– some days I don’t even change my clothes (yuck)
– sometimes I don’t eat anything that is further than arm’s length from my bed
– some days I don’t cook anything or even go into the kitchen
– some days it feels like everyone can hear my every movement, so I lie in bed, perfectly still so as not to feel judged
– I cry at things all unnecessarily
– some days I want to go outside and see people but its too daunting
– sometimes I can’t even answer the phone to family, let alone make important phone calls
– I have trouble getting the energy to shower sometimes
– some days I’m just a horrible person! I’m in such a bad place that I nastily take it out on those around me
– lots of days I’m very difficult to live with
– lots of days I’m very needy and demanding. I hate this, I am aware of it and somehow can’t stop it when I desperately want to
I’m desperate to improve in all these areas, and there are countless other things I’d like to improve too; this list is a snapshot rather than exhaustive. Um, I can’t think of what else to say. It feels like I’m just talking to myself by writing a blog. I don’t know what I aim to achieve by writing.
But there you have it; I’m looking forward to brighter things in the future! And I’m looking forward to my terrifying holiday!!
Thanks for reading,