BPD and Eating Disorders

BPD often has co-occuring diagnoses. For me, one of the things it overlaps with is an eating problem. This is quite common.

Now, I haven’t been formally diagnosed but I believe that I have Binge Eating Disorder.  To me, saying I have an eating disorder feels like a cop out, when really my problem is poor self control. It is hard to accept that maybe there is more to it than that. I can accept that eating disorders are real for other people, and yet I cannot accept it for myself.

I have been a binge eater since a fairly young age. This is more than just comfort eating; I am ashamed to admit I eat until overfull most days. I stuff my face with random stuff; not always chocolate and crisps. Last night my binge was on chocolate hoop cereal.

I still feel sick.

I am not sure how to tackle this. It has a profound effect on my happiness; I feel disgusting and trying to lose weight is nigh on impossible right now. I desperately need to lose weight, yet even talking about my weight leads to an insatiable urge to binge.

I have hope though.

I am currently undergoing EMDR therapy. It is my hope that as this continues I may be able to curb my bingeing. EMDR sounds weirdy weirdy, but is actually very cool and I believe, very effective.  EMDR stands for something like Eye Movement Desensitisation and Restructuring. My therapist makes me follow her fingers side to side with my eyes as I focus on a specific target memory. The process changes my reaction when I bring up the memory; from anger/hurt to a more positive emotion. I think EMDR is very clever, and am looking forward to continuing my therapy.

This reminds me that although it may seem I am complaining about my binge eating, actually right now I feel very grateful for all I have in life. Not everyone is as fortunate as me to have a good therapist, an excellent psychiatrist,  strong support network and a home in supported accommodation.  I am grateful for all that I have.